Smart Marriages… Happy Families

Mini conferences & Town Hall meetings near you!

The Smart Marriages… Happy Families Task Force is being formed in communities across our state providing program support for churches, schools & community organizations.

Purpose

Help couples who choose marriage for themselves develop the skills and knowledge necessary to form and sustain healthy marriages. The Initiative’s concept of healthy marriage is guided by Lewis and Gossett (1999), who define eight essential characteristics of a healthy marriage:

• Both partners participate in the definition of the relationship
• There is a strong marital bond characterized by levels of both closeness and autonomy
• The spouses are interested in each other’s thoughts and feelings
• The expression of feelings is encouraged
• The inevitable conflicts that do occur do not escalate or lead to despair
• Problem-solving skills are well developed
• Most basic values are shared
• The ability to deal with change and stress is well developed.

Overview

Marriage education, a relatively new approach to preventing marital distress and breakdown, is based on the premise that couples can learn how to build and maintain successful, stable marriages. Couples can learn how to increase the behaviors that make a marriage successful and decrease those associated with marital distress and divorce. Strong, healthy marriages have benefits for couples and their children. The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) concluded that destructive parental conflict is one of the generic risk factors for child and adult mental health problems. Mismanaged conflict predicts both marital distress and negative effects for children. Conflicts at home can even lead to decreased work productivity, especially for men.

The marriage education approach is based on years of research into the characteristics that distinguish marriages that succeed from those that fail. The difference between couples that survive and thrive in marriage and those that do not lies primarily in how couples understand and accept the fact that at times they will disagree and how they handle their inevitable differences. Behaviors and attitudes that predict success can be effectively and economically taught to couples, regardless of background, and at any stage of their relationship.

Along with the skills that teach couples how to communicate more effectively, manage conflict, and work together as a team, the courses also teach the benefits of marriage for couples and their children and what to expect in the course of marriage. Some programs have been adapted for specific populations (e.g., teenagers).

Program length ranges from several hours to semester-long courses. Most are 8 to 20 hours long and are taught over a weekend or through weekly classes. They are delivered in a variety of settings, including classrooms, community centers, childbirth clinics, houses of worship, courts, prisons, extension agencies, schools, and military bases. In addition to classes, workshops, and seminars, premarital and marriage education efforts can utilize assessment inventories and meetings with mentor couples.

Numerous studies suggest that marital outcomes can be predicted with a high degree of accuracy based primarily on aspects of a couples communication and ability to manage conflict. Some of the more popular programs (e.g., PREP) have been studied extensively. Longitudinal studies (some funded by NIMH) clearly demonstrate that couples can learn and use relationship skills, with some studies of PREP suggesting that participation affects both marital satisfaction and stability. Interventions seem especially effective for higher-risk couples.

Other Benefits

In addition to strengthening relationships, marriage education can benefit couples interested in marriage in other ways:

• Marriage education highlights the benefits of strong and healthy marriages for both adults and children. These include being better providers, living longer, earning and saving more money, and being less reliant on government services, such as welfare, health care, and mental health care.
• Marriage education provides a roadmap about what to expect in marriage, including challenges such as the birth of the first child, different philosophies on parenting, and negotiating work and family responsibilities.
• Marriage education can help couples better understand principles about commitment, acceptance, forgiveness, and sacrifice that are known to be associated with healthy relationships.
• Marriage education teaches individuals about risk factors so participants can decide whether or not a marriage they are considering is a good choice.

Volunteer county coordinator needed.  Your help is needed to ensure statewide effort. Free training available. Be part of this exciting project!

]]> http://www.pafamilies.org/afc/2010/09/02/events/feed/ http://www.pafamilies.org/afc/2009/10/12/merry-christmas/ http://www.pafamilies.org/afc/2009/10/12/merry-christmas/#comments Mon, 12 Oct 2009 12:37:05 +0000 Lourdes Swarts http://www.pafamilies.org/afc/?p=1102

Parents’ Day Criteria

Text of Legislation Creating National Parents’ Day

The Free Teens of Pennsylvania invites you to join us on March 29, 2006 (from 1:00 - 5:00pm), for a conference on Supporting and Challenging Our Youth at the Harrisburg Hilton Hotel in Harrisburg. This conference is designed to present to you the positive impact of abstinence-based character education in our schools, how it benefits the business community and the society at large.

Registration Form |

Featured speakers:

Richard Panzer, Founder and CEO of Free Teens USA
Free Teens is a reality-based, abstinence-centered HIV/AIDS, STDs, and Pregnancy Prevention program used in 38 states and in more than 70 countries around the world. It has been translated into 12 languages. Mr. Panzer has spoken to audiences all over the world.

Dr. David Kandole
Dr. Kandole is Founder and Senior Pastor of Global Outreach Christian Center Church in Harrisburg, PA with. Dr. David Kandole was born and raised in the beautiful nation of Uganda, East Africa. He will speak on how the ABC program is effective and saving lives in Uganda.

Registration for the conference is $35 per person. Sponsorship opportunities are available for donors.

Space for this conference is limited, please register today by returning this registration form. The deadline for registration is Wednesday, March 15. For addition details or questions please call toll free 888 421 2368.

Sincerely,

Lourdes Swarts
Free Teens of Pennsylvania
President Pennsylvania Family Coalition
P.O. Box 1008, Gouldsboro, PA 18424
Tel 570 842 3205
E-mail: lourdes@pafamilies.org

Brian Hewitt
Free Teens Educator
www.freeteens.org
www.culturemachine.com
GREATER HARRISBURG AREA COORDINATOR

Douglas and Fidelia Friedman of Harrisburg, PA have been married for 17 years and have 3 children-Samuel, 16, Eric, 13 and Rebecca, 10 yrs old. They met in Mexico City , where both at the time were journalists. Their home is one where tolerance and love for differences in people is the norm. He is white, was born Jewish and speaks with a northern East Coast accent. She is dark-skinned, from a Catholic family, and speaks with a strong Mexican accent. Their children have grown up knowing to love and respect others no matter their race or religion. Both are now teachers; she to kindergarten, he to university students at Pennsylvania State University – Harrisburg

While both are very active in community efforts, the Friedmans’ story is one also of heroic efforts to provide a loving and stable home for their children, in spite of desperate battles with life-threatening personal illness and a wide range of medical problems that their children have and are enduring. Douglas has coached soccer for youth teams for 13 years, serves a number of community organizations by providing free marketing consultation, etc. Fidelia serves as Treasurer for Mosaico, the Latino student group, and is a Board Member of Estamos Unidos, a Latino community group, and also is Editor of its well-respected newsletter. Both are very active in their synagogue

Their daughter, Becky, was born with many developmental problems. For the first 5 years of her life, she was fed through surgically inserted tubes. Every night, she must receive a growth hormone injection (which her loving brothers often administer). Douglas and Fidelia have battled with her illnesses, uncooperative school administrators, and their own health problems to insure that Becky could receive the best education possible. Their son, Sam, has Tourette’s Syndrome. By the nonstop efforts of his parents, Sam is a happy teenager, a Boy Scout, active athlete and B student. Their other son, Eric is an honor student who has won many academic awards (for example, he reached the regional Spelling Bee finals 3 years in a row.)

Three years ago, Douglas developed cancer. His treatments included over 4 months of chemotherapy, followed by a month of radiation treatment. His oncologist said that Douglas ‘ reaction to the chemotherapy was the most difficult that he had ever seen in a patient. Despite the ravages of chemo, he continued teaching throughout the treatment, missing only one day during the whole time. He and Fidelia also maintained their home as a stable environment for the children, taking turns in driving them to their sports, school events, etc.

Despite all of their challenges, the Friedmans continue to volunteer with community organizations, their children’s schools and their synagogue. Their example of unceasing service to the community in spite of great adversity continually inspires all those who know this special family.

When: 11:00 am, Saturday, November 11, 2006
Where: Old Country Buffet 1245 Whitehall Ave, Allentown, PA
Click here for details.

WAYNESBORO - There is a 14-year-old Waynesboro boy who thinks his parents are great and he’s willing to proclaim it.

In fact, Eric Thompson nominated Jay and Janet Thompson for “Parents of the Year” honors. And he says he did so for one reason - “Because I love them.”

The Thompsons, who are state level nominees, will attend a dinner July 23 in Harrisburg heralding their accomplishments. The couple selected to represent Pennsylvania will be eligible to win the national title.

Parents’ Day

A Congressional Resolution signed by President Bill Clinton in 1994 established Parents’ Day on the fourth Sunday of every July.

The day was established to promote responsible parenting and honor parental role models.

Parents’ Day is designed to celebrate and strengthen the traditional, two-parent family, according to the National Parents’ Day Council’s Web site. The council is a project of Pennsylvania Family Coalition Inc.

The Parents of the Year honor begins at the local level and extends through a national selection.

Eric Thompson nominated his parents after hearing a program representative speak at a home-schooling seminar he attended. Eric wrote an essay about how his parents have impacted their children, area youth and the town.

The Thompsons

The Thompsons of 14443 Midvale Road have home-schooled their three children - Tracey, 19, Eric, 14, and Brandon, 13. The three have all worked in the family’s business, Old Country Emporium, which they say sells antiques and “cool old things.”

Jay Thompson formerly was principal at a school where Janet Thompson worked.

Janet Thompson said they decided to home-school their children because they believe children want to please the person/people with whom they spend the most time, whether their peers or parents.

The Thompsons feel children learn by example. “He sees us as very active,” Janet Thompson said of Eric’s reason for nominating his parents.

Jay Thompson conducts a Bible study at Franklin County prison and, together with his wife, holds more Bible studies at VisionQuest. Once a week, they visit Rose Manor and take the children along to help them develop relationships with older people.

The family attends Jesus is Lord Ministries near Waynesboro.

The family is working to get Waynesboro Youth Center off the ground. Jay Thompson said about $40,000 is needed for construction to meet fire codes.

He and his wife are anxious to get the youth center started. “Someone has to reach out to these kids,” said Jay Thompson.

He said their own children have accountability to their parents.

“We know what’s going on in each other’s lives. We do everything together,” he said.

Tracey Thompson’s friends have remarked how surprised they are that her family is so close. She is proud of their relationship.

“It was never like a bummer,” said Tracey Thompson. And while they’ve had rough spots over the years, they’ve worked through them … together.

“We believe in the family,” said Jay Thompson.

Editor’s Note: For more information about Waynesboro Youth Center or to make a tax-deductible donation, call 762-1872.

This program featured prominent leaders, a citywide interfaith choir, internationally acclaimed Broadway singer Marie Barlow, a marriage rededication ceremony, and the 2005 Pennsylvania Parents of the of the Year. It was held on Saturday, July 23, 2005 at The Sunoco Performance Theater, Harrisburg, PA.

Flyer | Special Thanks | Brochure | Nomination

Note: This article originally ran in the Allentown (PA) Morning Call. Reprinted with permission.
A woman captured me in 1975. I still don’t want to be released. In this spring season of rampant marrying, I happily extol the institution of marriage. Blissfully married as I am these twenty-five years (we married in ‘78, three years after my surrender and capture), I want to argue vigorously the merits of matrimony and to urge the unhitched to hitch.

Angela was nineteen when I met her, full of words and life, effervescent, stunning, and busy entrancing various young men. She was doing just that when I first laid eyes on her: She had commandeered the front of our Temple University marching band bus and was regaling various male members with loud, amusing stories.

I was mesmerized. I was also shy, but I took a chance and blurted some stupid thing into the mix, caught her attention, and the rest, as they say, is history. I’ll skip the exhilarating details of our courtship, except to mention the amazing sign that confirmed our union: As we locked lips outside Johnson Hall at Temple, a passing bird took aim and fired, splattering us both. Smart-bombed in mid-kiss. Doesn’t get any clearer than that.

A quarter-century of life shared with this remarkable person doesn’t make me an expert on marriage (just ask her). It makes me a grateful champion of this way of living. Marriage is a lot of trouble—it is an adventure, said G. K. Chesterton, “like going to war”—but it’s worth it.

Wives are to husbands as milk is to Oreos. There’s a magical coalescence, a savory sense of completion. My wife is the garlic in my gravy. (South Philly Italian girls like Angela call their homemade spaghetti sauce “gravy.” And they use their cruel culinary powers to ensnare unsuspecting admirers. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.)

“He who finds a wife finds what is good” (Proverbs 18:22). The Bible says it; social scientists have now proved it. The National Marriage Project at Rutgers University has found that “both men and women live longer, happier, healthier and wealthier lives when they are married.” Unmarried co-habitation doesn’t cut it. The Project says “cohabitation typically does not bring the benefits—in physical health, wealth, and emotional wellbeing—that marriage does” and that “married people have both more and better sex than do their unmarried counterparts.” My paraphrase: Marriage is deeply satisfying.

Or can be. Indeed it is work. But worth it. Again, Chesterton: “In everything worth having, even in every pleasure, there is a point of pain or tedium that must be survived, so that the pleasure may revive and endure.”

Yes. Marriage is not a roller coaster ride. Thrill rides are brief and traumatic (alas, so are all too many marriages). The better metaphor is the adventure or the heroic quest: long, difficult, sometimes tedious, interspersed with epic battles, but crowned with the glories of deep companionship, sweet victories, and sublime satisfactions that would otherwise be missed.

Or maybe I’m totally wrong. Maybe it’s just me. Are there other men out there who are finding the adventure wildly rewarding? Am I a dupe, brainwashed by this woman? It’s possible.

But whatever my mental state, let me state for the record: I love everything about this person. I love the way she looks, the way she walks, the way she thinks, the way she smells, the way she lights up a room. The way she has nurtured our kids and kindled their faith in God (and mine). The way she incomprehensibly holds me in high esteem.

If you ask me, love is, in fact, what it’s cracked up to be. Marriage—soberly contemplated, carefully cultivated—is the way to go. As we mark twenty-five years, our son gets set to start his adventure. Jim and Kelly, go for it. Godspeed.

And Angela: Happy anniversary.

Rob Vaughn is principal news anchor at WFMZ-TV in Pennsylvania.

On October 14, 1994, President Bill Clinton signed into law the resolution unanimously passed by the U.S. Congress, which established the fourth Sunday of every July as Parents Day. Since the creation of this annual day of commemoration, local groups and activists in communities large and small have creatively launched many activities around the theme of Parents Day, designed to celebrate and strengthen the traditional, two-parent family.